Has every word you've ever spoken been nothing more than a random and meaningless label attached to an object, the true essence of which you will never hope to capture? Not to worry--I've got plenty of tips on how to assign meanings to words and get the most out of symoblic language. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion Follow Drew Cleary on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/troublehacker Follow Onion Digital Studios on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/oniondigstudios